Go back in your mind to the time in your life as a child. Do you remember how effortless it was to just be kids?
Why is it that it takes more effort to just be an adult?
My earliest childhood moments begin here, at St. Henry Catholic School.
That parking lot held the playground, where I played every day during recess. It brings back
some great memories of me and my schoolmates just being kids; we didn’t have to think about it. We just instinctively knew who we were. We knew our mission. To have as much fun as often as we could! And we naturally found creative ways to achieve that goal.
Looking back, I realized something.
Kids are naturally inclusive. There are no boundaries, no walls, and no pretenses. When do
children begin to lose their natural ability for inclusive behavior?
In my work with youth and families, here is what I have discovered:
● For the most part, children early in their development stage have very little confusion
about who they are. However, when a child‘s image of himself is challenged, his
subconscious sense of being comes into conscious awareness.
When this happens for the first time, a child will begin to question his natural sense of identity.
In fact, this is what happened to me. Let me tell you about it.
So, one day after recess, I am sitting in the classroom behind my second-grade classmate.
She turns around and asks me a very unexpected question: "Why are your hands white?"
Now… I was just 7 years old at the time. I never really looked at my hands in any intentional or meaningful way. I wasn’t the slightest bit aware of my physical appearance or how it might be perceived by others. As I am trying to wrap my mind around her question, she goes on to further explain,
“My hands are white on both sides. Why aren’t your hands brown all over?"
To her mind-bending question, the most intellectual response that I could muster was...
…I don’t know. That was the best I had for a second grader with no self-awareness.
As random and minor as this story may sound or seem, that moment had a significant
impact:
● I thought that something was wrong with me.
● I thought that her hands were the standard to be measured by.
● And subconsciously, I BEGAN TO JUDGE MYSELF according to that standard in other
areas of my life.
I later learned in my life that what I had experienced in that particular moment is known as…
Nigrescience.
Nigrescience is a theory formed by psychologist William Cross (1971). Nigrescence
refers to the process of becoming Black. The model suggests that people move through
different stages of awareness, understanding, and acceptance of their racial identity
over time. It's a concept used in the study of racial and cultural identity development.
It is a five-stage model to describe the experiences associated with becoming a
psychologically healthy black man or woman in the US. That event for me was the
encounter stage, where the individual is faced with a profound experience(s) directly
related to race that causes him or her to reexamine their identity. In the pre-encounter
stage, individuals do not believe that race is an important aspect of identity. That
statement of fact deserves repeating. (repeat) This stage causes me to question the use
of race in the first place. What healthy psychological purpose do these racial identities
serve? Are the psychological needs of a person with darker skin different from those of
a person with lighter skin? Is it psychologically sane to socially practice identities of
division and expect social behaviors of inclusion? For those of you who are educated
about the social construct of race, you will know the appropriate answers to these
questions. The reality is, however, that our country is woefully uninformed and, even
more importantly, misinformed about race ideology.
This is the foundational basis and motivation of my life’s work in addressing the
connection between our mental health and race.
Especially as it pertains to our children and our future. And here is why:
Children who feel worthy and capable are more likely to be optimistic and to do well in
school. A healthy sense of identity also helps children to be more open to people
from other backgrounds because they are less likely to fear differences or put
other children down to feel better about themselves.
Look at the world we are living in today that we adults are presenting to our children.
From the knee of Colin Kaepernick on the football field, to the knee of Derek Chauvin on the neck of George Floyd.
From the spawning of BLM to the continuing rise of white nationalist organizations.
From the covid 19 fueled prejudice toward the Asian community to the resurgence of anti-Semitism.
And from the CRT-driven school board protests to the banning of books across the
Let me ask you… Have these current events been a psychologically healthy experience
for you? Are you aware of the psychological impact they are having on our children?
As it pertains to inclusion, however, race is not the only issue. It is a significant part of
the problem, but not the only part. Sure, my particular encounter experience involved
the identity of race. However, isn’t it conceivable that one may have an experience of
encounter with any of these other identities.
● Ethnic or Cultural
● Family
● Sexual
● Religious
● Political
● And a host of others
What was your experience with the encounter stage? When did you begin to feel
different or left out of the mainstream as a result of something unique about you?
Is it possible that you may have contributed to someone else‘s encounter
experience?
So as it pertains to creating a healthy culture of inclusion, here is my premise:
Inclusion begins with identity. Inclusion refers to the practice of ensuring that diverse
individuals and groups are treated fairly, respected, and have equal opportunities. It
also involves creating an environment where everyone feels valued, supported, and has
access to the same opportunities, regardless of their differences. Inclusion goes beyond
mere tolerance of diversity; it actively seeks to embrace and celebrate differences in
gender, age, ethnicity, sexual orientation, abilities, and other characteristics.
Now, if you accept this premise, the next logical question to ask is... Which identities
most effectively align with the value of inclusion?
I propose to you the following three criteria that best describe these types of identities: Identities that are 1) organic, 2)
timeless, and 3) not based in ideology.
I will submit to you the following three identities that I believe fit these criteria:
1. The identity of family roles: parents, siblings, father, mother, sister, brother.
2. The identity of being an American: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that
all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain
unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of
happiness." This may seem ideologically based; however, isn’t the idea of
equality an organic and innate value that most people we know hold?
3. The identity of being a human being: Human beings are 99.9 percent identical
in their genetic makeup all across the globe. Think about that. Human beings are
a genetic species, not a race.
You know, ideologies come and go. We know politicians who have changed from liberal
to conservative to independent and back again. We know well-known personalities who
have changed racial identities, from black to white, white to black, and even created
newer classifications such as Cablanasian (and remember, race is an ideology; it is not
the skin that is the problem; it is how we are thinking about skin that is). And we know
people who have changed religious conversions as well as nationalities. But those
identities, which matter most, hardly ever change.
Imagine what inclusion in this country would look like if we narrowed our focus and
based all of our social policies and practices on those identities that matter most! I know
we can create this culture of inclusion because we already have the necessary
components to get it done.
So as I prepare to leave you, I want to present to you an activity that I feel best supports my strong belief in this regard, it is called the The Racial Intelligence Test composed of three yes questions.
The effectiveness of the test is based on the level of belief you have in your answers.
Are you ready?
1. Aren’t we all someone’s parents, siblings, father, son, mother, daughter, sister,
and brother?
2. Aren’t we all created equal?
3. Aren’t we all human beings?
We are all 99.9 percent genetically identical all over the world! Do you understand what
that means? It means that we are all genetically linked. Why is this important? Because
our connection is not a one-way process, it’s reciprocal. What happens to you, happens
to me. What I do to you, I do to myself. And neither is inclusion a one-way process.
For when I choose to include you, you are also choosing to include me.
Go back in your mind to the time in your life when you were a child.
Remember how effortless it was to just be kids?
Kids Are Not Krayons....simple and perfect sentiment. I love this book because it touches on the very innocent nature of a child before parental and societal ideals corrupt their thinking. All kids should be read this book over and over and discussions should be had appropriately with each age group as a way to teach them not to define themselves as color but as a person who is good from the inside out....and that their different pigmentations are like the zillion different Christmas ornaments...beautiful decoration!